Does this sound familiar...

Your partner comes up behind you as you’re washing the dishes, kissing your neck and squeezing your hips as they slowly pull you in the direction of the bedroom.

Logically, you know this is what people would kill for.

This is… “the dream.”

And yet, you feel frozen. Tense.

Dare I say… repulsed?

This attempted act of affection, desire, and connection only leaves you wanting SPACE.

And yet, you feel unable to squeak out a word.

Too guilty to hurt your lovely partner’s feelings or be perceived as inadequate, broken, distant, or “never in the mood.”

“I should feel grateful. What’s wrong with me?? Why am I so turned off? Why does this always happen?”

So you swallow your feelings and go along with it – tense, distracted, and dissociated throughout the 4-minute ordeal.

Bitter and resentful that sex feels like something you “put up with” instead of a source of real joy and connection in the relationship, and mad at yourself for being entirely confused about how to change this pattern or WHERE to even start.

Your partner technically hasn't done anything to make you feel unsafe in this moment.

So you’re left wondering, “Why does my body feel so unsafe, frozen, and triggered, as if I need to pull away?”

Or maybe this is you...

You convincingly promise yourself, “THIS TIME I’m going to wait to have sex. I want to get to know the people I’m dating on deeper emotional levels before being physically intimate. I want to break this pattern of rushing.”

That same night…

Your semi-bland new Bumble date drives you home after a flirty sushi dinner and walks you to your front door when you hear the habitual words, “Want to come in for a glass of wine?” innocently slip out of your mouth… as if someone else was saying it and you were just there witnessing.

One thing leads to the next and you wake up the following morning with clothes sprawled across the floor and a naked stranger snoring to your left.

“Ugh. I was not a full yes to this. Every step felt reluctant. But how do I KNOW what a full yes even feels like or what I want in the moment? It feels so much better when someone else tells me what I should want and what's right.”

Followed by...

“I feel like an outsider in my own body, as if I’m riding in the passenger seat of my life and relationships.”

You recognize how scared you feel to say "no" - believing that it would somehow make you undesirable, unlovable, "not enough," or that they would abandon you if you didn't say yes to everything…

Even when it’s your own body.

Sex has played a role in your life of being a value transaction (i.e. "If you desire me then I’ll give you what you want").

And you now want to reclaim sex as a truly empowering experience of spirituality, liberation, healing, expansion, and intimacy…

Rather than as a performance, transaction, or way of manipulating people to stick around longer and give you attention.

When my client 'Lily' came to me...

She explained how she always felt like a deer in headlights whenever she was asked, “What do you want?”

She didn't understand why such a seemingly simple question triggered so much frustration, dissociation, and confusion, leaving her feeling "foggy and blank."

Lily's desires felt distant, vague, and like they weren't truly hers.

When she was on her own, she fully believed, "I would never tolerate bad sex or anything less than my worth. Of course I will speak up for my boundaries and needs."

But whenever she actually entered a romantic relationship or sexual encounter...

She'd find herself back in the pattern of people-pleasing, doubting her boundaries, and convincing herself,

"Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe this is as good as it gets. It's not even worth it to bring up this issue - I'm probably making it up. Let's just keep the peace and avoid any conflict."

Through working together with an integrative somatic approach that addresses the deeper root (the unconscious, nervous system, soul, and body’s intelligence),

She now...

• Is having “the best sex of her life” by checking in with her body every step of the way & no longer fixating on sucking in her belly, contorting her expression to accommodate the comfort of others, or mentally spiraling over how she's perceived.

• Quit her unaligned job, left an unsupportive relationship, moved across the continent, and started a new life with her "I can't believe I'm actually GOING FOR THIS" career after finally giving herself permission to own what she truly wants.

• Messaged me saying, “Every day I wake up feeling like I am living my dream.”

• Has devoted herself to a sexual self-care practice that helps her source pleasure and fulfillment from within, while intimately learning the language of her arousal, eroticism, and true "yes" and "no."

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Your pleasure matters.

Your voice matters.

Your desires matter.

Your true, raw, honest, heartfelt self-expression MATTERS.

... What would change in your life if you fully believed, claimed, and embodied these words? What would you get to experience? Who would you get to be?

We cannot show up to our full potential in our relationships, work, creativity, and lives when we are depleted, self-sacrificing, and constricting the truth of what we want and need.

In a world that trains most women to pretzel ourselves into what's palatable, acceptable, accommodating, and nonthreatening...

A woman who owns her sexuality, her pleasure, her fiery desires, her needs, and her truth -

Is a woman who owns her life.

Sign up for Empowered Lover to join a radical movement of conscious relating, liberated expression, and claiming our innate worthiness.